A Comparison of Water and Life

My life resembles a deep pool of water. A calm and smooth glass-like surface. But hidden beneath are undertows and drop offs. Not to forget the warm and cool spots all encounter in any natural lake.

And like an object within the water, I too have been carried by life's currents. With each crisis similar to large boulders protruding the serene surface for me to injure on. Yet I've come to realize that this is just one bump in the winding river of my existence. Continued slamming into the same rock, over and over again demands a change in path. A course correction that maneuvers around the rock by careful and thoughtful navigation. This happens not without fear and for boding of what may lie below. Size and shape unknown can cause considerable damage to one already bruised and battered. Yet like the current, one must flow forward, accepting the risk.

Newly discovered skills and renewed confidence alters the cadence of the flow. Becoming a richer more fuller current. Along this new course a fallen tree is encountered. With long spread branches. The current playfully dips in and along the sodden wood. Revelling in the varying lengths and shape of the tree. Thoughts of surpassing the boulder empower the flowing water to splash and tease the dormant wood. The tree responds by stretching it's branches creating new places for the water to pool and enjoy.

But memories again of the boulder cause the current and tree to withdraw from each other. Seeking solace in in doing other things the current finds itself dwelling on the fallen tree, and the things it misses most. The playfulness and the ease of being together. Time begins to pass and the current becomes heartsick and feeling alone.

Doubts born of insecurity worm their way into the water, hovering in and around the current. Suspicion taints the wetness, leaving ugliness, despair and pain. Or perceived pain. Preparing for the worst but expecting nothing, the flow shuts down to nothing more than a thin empty stream.

The water, of which the current is a part of, has responsibilities to nourish and refresh all of natures living organisms. Somethings once in motion, stay in motion. Stopping the current is not possible. Like the wind keeps blowing, and the seasons keep changing, it too must continue flowing forward, if only for the sake of nurturing.

When Even Shadows Offer Hope

The darkness I find myself in
Morphs to a long unending tunnel
No up, no down, nor side to side
Just an extreme length of blackness

My mind clawing for relief
Instead creates pin points of brightness
Distant figments of light
Flicker erratically, tormenting my psyche

Tunnel begins closing in
Squeezing smaller and smaller until claustrophobic
Moving forward is ideal, yet mired
By oppressive forces nearly impenetrable

Insane mind playing tricks on me
Alternately bringing hope and despair
Until there is nothing left but numb
An empty ennui of hollowness

An illogical fear of finality
The feeling of plateau then status quo
Pondering the "why bother" of disillusionment
A sad acceptance of never more

2B or not 2B

I think of you - and I smile

I hear your voice - and things settle

I look into your eyes - my stomach drops

I tease you mercilessly - and I blush with you

I type to chat - and I talk at the computer also

I watch you play with others - and I become jealous

I dance with you - and I revel in the feel of you

I see you attacked - and I break inside

I hear your concern for me - and I cry more

I try to look beyond tomorrow - and I fear

I wish good things for you - and I feel insecure

I rationalize things - and see I am selfish

I only want the best for you - and know it's not me