Changes

I go to bed trying to shut you out of my mind.
Like a fool I believe I can succeed and I slip into slumber.
But there you are, haunting my dreams with your presence.
Stalking me in my sleep, your eyes searing my soul.
I toss and turn. Clutch at my pillow. Legs tangled in the sheet.
I awake, frustrated, hot, heavy and aching. I focus on my breathing.
I listen to my fan and other sounds of the night.
Again I work at thrusting your image from my thoughts.
Yet alas I get no relief.
You have infected my person with your essence
A mutation you've altered the very core of me.
The way I think
The way I move
The very ME of me
No cure for this, no pill for this ill.
I must accept this...
Change
Go forward from here

Psyche!!

I slip into your room, coffee in hand to get you out of bed.

Your lying on your back, right hand under your head under your pillow.

The sheet covering you (just barely)is settled around your hips. You're sleeping without a stitch.

I supress the initial urge to tickle you awake. The temptation to touch your slumbering form much stronger.

I run my right hand up the middle of your torso, careening to the left. My thumb catching your nipple.

In your dreams you sigh, nipple hardening in response. I rub circles with the palm of my hand over the stiff peak.

Embolden I Send my hand towards the right half of your chest. Loving the scratchy feel of hair and smoothness of your skin.

Your hand claps down on my wrist, startling me. your eyes open looking at me. You mummer something about being careful of how you wake a body.

You push my hand lower, my eyes looking lower still. I have woken the sleeping beast. Releasing my hand on your lower abs, just above the tangled curls below. I feel the beast stir thru your stomach.

Mischief alights in my eyes as I caress the skin there. Slowly moving over to your right hip, already half exposed.

I have the desire to press my lips to the protruding bone there. Trace lazy circles with my tongue. I lightly graze your hip with my nails.

Continuing lower over the outside of your thigh, I skim across the top over your leg to your inner thigh. The beast twitches in anticipation

My hand makes it's way higher, enjoying the feel of the rough hair. Almost there I can see him throbbing in want thru the sheet.

I ask if you're awake. You assure you are very much indeed. Smiling I say "your coffee is getting cold." Standing I throw a cheery "Good Morning" over my shoulder as I quickly quit the room.

Behind me I hear the thump of a pillow hitting the door and landing. I giggle as you mutter curses about me and my sex.

Right now it is good to be Me!!!

What to do
What to do
Oh Lord,
What to do

Please, just once
Could you cut me some slack?
Help me make up;
for the things that I lack

For the feelings I feel
And the ones that I don't
For the stuff that is real
and the life that just won't

What to do
What to do
Oh Lord,
What to do

But since I am asking
Probably pushing my luck
Some issues that are tasking
and aren't quite my truck

To be put on hold
For just a little while
See how things unfold-
should I go the extra mile

What to do
What to do
Oh Lord,
What to do

Unspoken

Have you ever felt trapped??
Stuck in a position with no way out??
Held in place by things and people you would loath to bring harm to??

You try to convince yourself , you are here for them.
You do this with the best of intentions.
To the naked eye everything appears fine, idyllic even.

First you create the illusion.
Little things you hide for a start.
Then you strive to maintain what you've built.

During this time, you bury the flickerings of resentment.
Pretend to ignore the unfairness of this life.
Smile, joke, continue the facade.

Slowly day by day, the effort begins to wear on you.
The very perception you have birthed, becomes a monster in it's own right.
You find yourself frustrated, confused, angry.

How did I come to be here??
Why does this bother me so much more now than before??
Who is this person looking back at me??
Why does she look so sad??
What can I do to change this??
What would I do to change this??

Have you ever felt yourself living in a lock down??
Where even going out feels like a day pass.
Worried that saying or doing the wrong thing will have that pass rescinded.

I live in a gilded cage, made up of a bay window, vertical blinds and nice hardwood floors.
The trustee's are three beautiful girls I would give my very life for.
And am bit by bit.

The guard, the woman who gave birth to me, so I gave her a place to spend her remaining years.
The warden, a husband, who became someone I barely recognize, or failed to see initially.

Sentenced for crimes, I myself, did not commit.
Hoping by the time I find my parole,
I still know the person staring back at me in the mirror.

Make no mistake, when you aren't free to do as you would like to,
Be who you are meant to be-
The nicest of rooms, the spacious of backyards are still a cage in which you are held.

Just Another Lazy Night @ Home

This post is a little more explicit than others, and in some areas a little more true. So if your hair curls easily you might grab a beer and enjoy the ride! lol

I sit here in a black lace bra with thong to match.
It's warm and I'm running 2 fingers up and down the inside of my left cup

I wonder what you are doing now.

The bra is one of those push up jobs.
Forcing the soft curves of my breasts high.

If you looked upon me now, would you like what you see?

The scant triangle of my thong is only held together by thin elastic, running my waist and betwixt my cheeks

I worry at the extra flesh it fails to hide. Would it disappoint you?

I run the back of my knuckles along the excess spilling over my bra.

I think of the way your skins smells when you hold me close.

Firmly, I touch - feel the contours of my stomach.
Caressing my belly, savouring the sensations it brings.

My mind wanders, remembering of the strength of your hands, your arms

Heat snaking lower
I begin to throb, twitch with excitement.

Closing my eyes, I envision the feel of your weight upon me.

My lips part as I suck a quick breath in response.
I slide my right foot up, raising my knee in an effort to accommodate you.

My head lolls to the right.
I trail my nails down the exposed skin, dreaming of your teeth nibbling at my neck.

I continue down thru the valley of my breasts, bra discarded.
I begin to pet the silky smoothness of my inner thighs.

Ahhh- what I wouldn't give, that it be your hand instead of mine.
A low moan escapes at the very thought imagined

My hand, a will of it's own, brushes the lace of my thong.
The flesh beneath clenches and shudders.

Now , pretending in earnest, it's your hand. I slip under the bit of lace.
Gently touching the slick moisture

My arousal rockets, I become hotter, wetter.
My fingers questing more insistently.

My head thrashing side to side, Breaths coming in staggered gasps.
Hips rising to meet the demanding thrusts of my digits.

The heel of my hand abrading, almost bruising the sensitive nub with each entry.

Faster and higher. Higher and faster, I soar.
Like a ticking time bomb with only one purpose - to explode.

And then, for one moment. One exquisite moment, time ceases to be.
A groan, low in my throat purrs.

I rub, ever so gently, a few more times. trying to prolong the sensation.
But - it's too much feeling

My arm, exhausted from its trial lays limp along side my body.
Enjoying the blissful calm flooding my body, I fall asleep

Outside Looking In

If life were a fishpond
and people were the fish
I'd be a frog

Welcomed with good wishes
and open fins but
Forgotten when surfacing for air

When I walk into a place
hugs hello - how are you??
Small talk is made

For everyone I've just hello'd
each person I've hugged
I now find myself standing - alone

I look around at the various cliques
groups with their connections
And feel unplugged

In effort to fit, co-exist
I smile, make funnies, talk loud
I stop, then wonder when I disappeared

So here I lean, holding up the bar
a flurry of activity, of people
Isolated, solitary

A frog can swim with the fish
frolic and play with the best
But you and I know, it ain't like the rest


RIBBIT!!!

Memories of Insecurity

If I asked you to be my hero
Would you?

If I asked you to be my saviour
Could you?

If I asked you to be my champion
Should you?

Sweet lies I tell myself
When I say "I don't need you"

Stubborn pride I cling to-
Hoping you'll see the truth

If I asked you to be my hero
Would you?

If I asked you to be my saviour
Could you?

If I asked you to be my champion
Should you?

Will you?
I wonder and I pray

Because you want to
Not cuz I need you this way