The Farce

Children wake early, excited
Others already up, others to be woken
Gleefully, the little ones tear through their stockings
Grateful to escape, cinna-buns need baking

Forced smiles, murmured Merry Christmas
Kids wait impatiently to open gifts
The oldest, tired lays on the floor resting
While we wait for everyone to assemble

Oven beeps, buns to go in, timer to set
Finally everyone is present
Paper flies, joyous squeals of delight
All Christmas surprises revealed

Going from toy to toy
The children open, to exam each new item
A feeling of resentment settles over me
Timer goes off, the bun ready

Kids are groomed and prepped
Waiting again for people to ready themselves
Antsiness sets in, whining starts
Finally off, I try to drift off

Smells of dinner waft
I help with the fixings
Extra effort is made to make things nice
Serving bowls and platter all arranged

Six in the household, five at the table
Little-ins tired and hungry, day spent visiting
I pick at my food, sad nobody remarks on the absence
Angry at one causing it, as he eats this feast as if he created it

Heart empty, I sit with the last child
As she struggles to finish her food
Perhaps she feels as hollow as I
Knowing food won't fill this space

I try to remind myself this charade
Is for the kids, one last family holiday
Smile and speak cheerfully for them
Ignore the sadness bubbling inside

Feelings of Being Unwanted, Unloved and Forgotten

I wonder, if I stopped making an effort
Anyone would miss me
Would people even notice my absence


Do I only enter their conscious minds
When I stand in their line of sight
Easily replaced by other thoughts when not there


Am I convenient, at that moment
Quickly discarded when something or someone
Better comes along

Perhaps I overestimate my value
My worthiness to others
Suffering delusions of grandeur

I wonder, if I stopped making the effort
People would miss me
Would anyone notice my absence

Life is short, blink and you might miss it!!

I kiss you quick and hard, sharing my lip balm
You pull backwards surprised, eyes widening
Laughing, I jog away telling you to smell
You guess wrong, but it doesn't matter...mission accomplished

The goal: to leave my scent on you
Hoping to capture your attention, nudge your memory
Didn't quite anticipate just how much
I missed the feel of your lips on mine

It took every ounce of self discipline
To turn and walk away, run more aptly
Almost the same amount of courage
To walk back and joke about it.

You looked at me with your warm brown eyes
The world gently feel away as I was ensorcelled
And you smiled! I love to see you smile
Especially when you try so hard not to

Two goals were achieved this night
You left smelling of me, if only temporarily
I got to wrap my arms around you and hold on for a moment or two
And you smiled at me!

OK so it was three, but life is too short to nit pick. Especially about the good stuff!!

Should have known, if it's too good to be true........

We are at out favourite hangout. The crowd is minimal, the KJ is playing mostly tunes.

Bored and restless, I get up to wander the back room. Returning I say "You'll never guess what I've found."

Looking somewhat interested you raise an eyebrow. Eyes sparkling, smiling mysteriously, I get up and walk away.

Looking over my shoulder, I check to see if you follow. You do, so I lead you to a darkened corner.

Standing there you say "Wow, a stool." Putting my hands on your hips, I maneuver you to sit on it.

Me standing, you sitting, we're just about eye to eye. Biting my lip I glance shyly at your eyes.

Raising my hand, I gently touch your face. Caressing your bottom lip with my thumb.

Sliding my hand to tangle in your hair, I murmur "Stop me." as I lean over to lightly kiss your lips.

Pulling back I look deep into your eyes. Trying to gage your reaction, I wait.

Your hands finding my hips, you lean in asking "why?" Kissing me fully, twining your tongue with mine.

Winding both arms round your neck, I move to you. Enjoying the feel of our bodies pressed together.

Pulling my arms downward as I nibble on your neck. I reach around to grasp at your posterior.

Hands snaking around your waist I come into contact with warm skin. Groaning, remembering, I swear you stopped tucking your shirt in, just to torture me!!

Hands now altering course, they run up your back.

Pulling your closer to me I wonder "does he feel this too??" "does he even know that the more I touch him the more I feel for him??"

Finding their way to the front, the pads of my thumbs flit over your nipples. The nubs harden as you make noises of liking.

Rubbing circles over the sensitive flesh there, you grab my ass and thrust it forward.

Feeling the firmness there I gasp, gripping the sides of you.

Kissing me hard with need your hands move up, under my shirt. I glory in your touch, vaguely wondering about that noise.

Becoming louder and more insistent, I break our kiss.

Turning my head to see, exactly what that sound is my eyes fly open.

Trying to focus, I am now looking at my very irritating alarm clock.

Slamming the snooze button to shut it up, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Doing neither I bury my face in the pillow.

And scream - long and loud. Then come up laughing.

What a better way to start the day than making out with a white hot guy...............

even if it was only in my dreams.

Day Dreaming at Night

You come behind me, silent as a cat.

Your fingers lightly brush my neck as you move my hair

Shivers tingle up and down my spine, my nipples tighten

Gently you feather kisses from the base of my neck up

Reaching that one spot you know so well, you nip with your teeth then soothe drawing circles with your tongue

Sucking my breath in sharply, my nipples harden into tight little nubs

A warm heaviness pools between my legs

I reach up to twine my hand in your hair, intending to pull you for a kiss - but you stop my hand

Turning me towards the wall you place both my hands on it

I try to protest, but your hands are sliding up the sides of my shirt, unclasping my bra

Taking the weight of my breasts in your hands, you roll my puckered nubs between your thumb and fore fingers

I push off the wall, wanting to touch you too - but you laugh mischievously and threaten to stop if I move

Groaning in sheer frustration and desire I yield to your wishes

My head hangs as I feel you press up against my flanks, full and heavy as I

Even before the thought is formed, I wiggle my ass up on your hardness, eliciting a satisfying twitch

Pinching my nipples firmly, you tell me to behave, while I squeak you move back from me

Running your hands low, you pause giving me a full handed spank, caressing the sting away

You reach around and down, sliding your hand betwixt my legs, measuring the warmth there

Rubbing my mons with the heel of your hand, my breaths now come in staggered gasps

Deftly releasing the button and fly of my jeans, fingers slide inside my panties

My knees threaten to buckle from wanting, I'm grateful the wall holds me up

Stroking the sensitive bud found there, I'm caught between pleading whines and panting

I feel you come against me and I push my ass back into you, moving with the rhythm of your fingers

Moaning, face pressed to the wall, a delicious pressure begins to build

Movement, coming from behind, I notice my jeans pushed downward, cold air raises goose flesh on my arse

A thought later I feel the hot, turgid hardness of you between my cheeks, just before you thrust inside me

Screaming from shock and excitement, I almost cum right then and there

Skillfully you had already stopped stroking me, freeing both hands to grasp my hips as you plunge into me hard, filling me to the very hilt of you

I tighten my inner muscles as you come into me, you moan in pleasure, pulling me firmly to you

A few more times and I feel you reaching your ultimate fullness, as you begin again to stroke my now swollen bud

Once, twice, a third time - the building pressure explodes

My knees buckle, we both sink to the floor

panting.........tired...........sated

Sex - From My PoV

Sex for the sake of sex, is never something I've been capable of doing. If I want the physical gratification, then I can do that myself without all the hoopla involved in having a partner. It is just as satisfying without having to kick the person out afterwards. Perhaps I am a little bit odd in this, perhaps it has something to do with past wrongness forced upon me or perhaps I just cannot fathom becoming intimate with someone I don't really care about.

Even kissing to me is personal. I mean we've all been kissed by someone that you just rather have not have. Relatives and such. Can you imagine them putting their lips on you in a romantic way, or even sticking their tongue in your mouth?? Ugg, right! That is the very same feeling I get when someone tries to kiss me that I'm not interested in. Even if I am a little, I still have to reach a certain level of "giving a damn" before, I'll consider puckering up. And me making the first move by kissing someone, has happened all of once in my entire life. Still haven't figured out who was shocked more, me or them. So you see kissing is a very personal experience. You are taking a very sensitive part of you body and touching another's with it. You make small sucking motions, inviting them to be partly inside of you. Depending on how things go, you open yourself up, accepting the thrust of their tongue also tasting the newness that is unique to each person. Why would you want to do that with someone you sort of know?? Up tight?? No. Persnickety?? Damn straight!!

Kissing someone is a very good way to express interest in another. It can also communicate depth of caring, just by the differing ways a person can kiss another. The way a persons hands wander. The places the wander too. Do they grasp at you and pull you close. Do they strive to feel every inch of your body, trying to learn what they can. I myself prefer skin to skin contact. It is one way I feel close to the person. Yes this also promotes other wants and desires but I probably already want to know as much as humanly possible as I can about the person.

I am very vocal about what and who I want. If I don't tell you, how else are you going to know?? But only to this person and mostly in private. I'm not into public audiences, I prefer to be in an environment where I and the other feels safe and comfortable. If I'm getting sans clothing then I don't want to worry about who else may come barging in. Nobody has a perfect body, mine is even less perfect than it was years ago, if I trust you enough to expose myself in such a fashion, than it is intended for your eyes only. A serious level of trust and closeness has to be present before this kind of intimacy is possible.

On to the good stuff! If things are going well and we're enjoying each others company to the fullest extent, than this is what's going on for me. I want to touch every inch of you, because different areas tell me different things about you. What you like, what you don't. Knowing this brings me one step closer to learning more about you. When you caress me I tell you in many subtle ways how I feel about you. Maybe in a quick indrawn breath or a small cry. Our minds and mouths can lie, but there is always truth in the body. It is just another way to become closer. Until the ultimate desired result of being part of the other. If there is a way to be joined with another person I haven't found it. With all the grunting and groaning going on it's hard to imagine the very real emotional aspect to things. But it is there regardless of previous intent. In casual encounters it represents that empty, hollow feeling that sets in as you fall asleep. Or the "what the hell did I just do?" feeling you have looking at the other person. I don't want that for myself or the person I'm with. Ugly emotions have no place in act that should be regarded as pure awakening of one to another.

I can count on one had how many different partners I've had. And I can honestly say that I have cared for each and every one of them despite how things have turned out in life. If I hadn't I would have never have slept with them. I have come to realize I an unique in my preferences and in no way condemn those who feel otherwise. It is just what works for me and makes me happy.