Much to my surprise, I did manage to survive, what can only be politely termed as "The Monster Hangover from Hell". True to her word, GG's remedy worked very well. What was becoming trying was her incessant perky chipperness. At first I thought she was just trying to cheer me up, her way of helping me move on with life . In a super duper positive way. Now I honestly wonder if there was a time when she wasn't like this. Social functions with "The Jerk" she was all rainbows and smiles. A public persona, one assumes. But even in private she is so light and airy, everything is perfect in the world, I'm getting very close to throttling her.
I was also becoming very exhausted. Soon, I was going to need a vacation....from doing nothing!!! GG's social calender was packed with events and galas. Not to mention lunches, endless shopping trips followed by nights of clubbing. At this rate I would be dead in another month.
I could do without all of it, except maybe the clubbing aspect. Piqued, GG had us back at Fates the following week. Hoping to recreate the sensation I had caused with the infamous man in black. People did indeed recognise me and then GG. But the elusive shadow was nowhere to be seen. Not even at his usual post, overlooking the crowd. Outwardly I was relieved. Much to GG's "That's the spirit! Plenty of more fish in the sea." Even this time she couldn't quite convince herself. People, craving new and exciting things, began to get bored of waiting to see if drinks came from an unknown source or if the dark enigma would even make an appearance. Moved on to their own sources of titillation. After about the third week of a no show I allowed myself to admit that I was feeling disappointed. Why single me out, then nothing afterwards?? Was it a game? Just one more source of amusement. A way of encouraging continued business?? With his very carefully cultivated reputation, more rumour than any actual fact, why choose to break a holding pattern?? Perhaps boredom?? Maybe an impulse acted on. In my letdown I ruminated on all sorts of differing reasons. In the end deciding it really didn't matter. If there was any interest it was fleeting and forgotten. Now all I had to do was convince my dreaming mind.
Sleeping becoming treacherous by the day was the ultimate release....of any and all fantasy my subconscious could come up with. Sexual in nature at first, then slowly morphing into a real desire to know his inner secrets. Dreams of watching his imagined form sleep, peaceful some times. Fretful in others. Nights of clinging passionately to his embrace and times of just being held by those strong secure arms of his.
But as life does, life went on. And after a time I began to think he was a figment of my imagination. Conjured in a moment of mental weakness. A way of shoring up my very fragile self esteem. Or maybe that was the point, take pity on the awkward sore thumb. Using his power of reputation for good, helping me to become accepted. Accepted it did. I was now being included in all the social functions with GG. The toll was beginning to wear on me. On the plus side, I was out and about meeting societies most eligible bachelors. And they were definitely noticing me.
