I've finished making lunches, tidied up some of the never ending mess that seems to grow each day. Trying to not think about....about everything. Trying not to worry, but already making mental plans should the need arise.

Wonder if the testing will hurt overly...I don't think injecting me with saline will, but the ultrasound- definitely will be uncomfortable. They have to press hard to get a clear image through the ribcage, then move it around to get the best angle. For me that means I'll be lots of pretty colours when they're done. Amazing it doesn't bother me much that I get to go topless in front of a complete stranger. People are people regardless of what profession they are in, so the fact that they are medical personnel never really offered me that comfort state of mind of being sans clothes. Granted that may change as the centre gets nearer.


I am going to the S.P.A.R.C. That stands for the "Stroke Prevention Atherosclerosis Centre". Not too sure what Atherosclerosis is but I understand "stroke prevention". Wonder if I should inquire where they were about a year ago when I needed them. Maybe not, I didn't even know I had a stroke until after I survived it.

And it is at this centre I will be having a "Bubble Test". Yep you read that right a bubble test. I am going all the way to London so they can test my ability to blow Bubbles!! LOL All kidding aside that is the name of the test. The "bubble" refers to the saline they will inject into me. It will help the tech get a much clearer image of my heart and it's valves. It should be able to detect whether or not there are any irregularities or malformations. One or more of these could be responsible for whatever blocked off a pathway preventing blood from getting to a part of my brain.

Here's the kicker, I don't know whether to hope they find something or not. If they find something, it could mean scary ass surgery to correct or replace the problem. If they find nothing then it's more tests to see what caused the stroke. Oh goody! Either way it feels like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

I can't decide if I should laugh, cry or just lose my mind...what little is left of it. I am grateful my boss is taking me and not my mum. Lord knows I love the lady, but she gets frustrated and agitated when she doesn't know where she's going. My patience might wear thin, which would not be good for.....her. Besides if I do lose it, he won't molly coddle me and say every things going to be just fine, I don't need to worry blah blah blah. He'll let me do my thing and give me a hug when I'm done. Sometimes guys are better for some things. But don't quote me, cuz I'll deny it!!!

So I suffer chronic exaberated migraine headaches, that they are testing my heart for. And in a weird way it does make sense as all the major organs and systems are interconnected. Who knows maybe you really can be heartbroken??