Letting Go

I've reconnected with an old flame. Someone I've known for almost 18 years. We met again as friends. Evolved into lovers and now see a future together. Things are falling into place effortlessly. It scares me. It is too easy. This will be our third time together. Third time's the charm I keep hearing, but I don't trust my feelings so much anymore.

I fell for someone, really fell. But as he would say "if it's meant to be it will be", followed by a "I just don't see it". At first I thought that if I gave it just a little more time, he would realise he could be wrong. After all I am thick headed and stubborn. And truly believed how I felt was how things were meant for us. Instead of listening with my ears, I only heard what my heart wished to. It is probably a good thing he liked my "Grab Life by the Balls" mentality, otherwise I would wonder how or why he put up with me. Can't count the number of times I said "Can't blame me for trying." I was crushed when he confirmed he was interested in someone else. How I managed to put make up on thru tears and do my show after is a mystery to me. I cried more over him than I have any man in my entire life. But in retrospect he gave me something back that I'd lost somewhere. The ability to show emotion. To feel, really feel things again. For this and LOTS of other things he will always hold a special place in my heart.

We don't see each other so much anymore, and I confess....I do miss the friend he once was to me. The bantering back and forth. But as I embark on new journeys in life, he too is experiencing new and (hopefully) exciting things. I wish him only the best and hope he finds what he's looking for.

As for me, I'm trying to look for the positive things yet to come. And let go of the negative bs from the past. Still scares me how easily life clicks lately, but maybe it doesn't always have to be so hard and complicated. Maybe sometimes, under the right circumstances...life just becomes.