The large folded square of cardboard
Lays flat - waiting
Already creased to create it's 3-D shape
A box is taped quickly into form
Old towels, spare pillow cases
Are pressed into service as wrapping
For the delicate, breakable items
Preventing future damage when the day comes
Each glass, each china plate
Carefully covered and placed just so
Holds a memory or story of my life
Each piece stored a reminder of what was
As I pack, I wonder how things
Detoured so wrongly
Was I so blissful in my ignorance
Or did I simply pretend the bad away
Memories of our 1st house at Christmas
And the Castle water fountain I so desperately wanted
And received that year from a man who was loving, considerate
Active and interested in his family and home
Two years fly by and his first child is born
Another long year and yet another on the way
Two beautiful sisters for the already wizened little girl that came before
My hands so full, I fail to notice the increased absences
Children get older, absence longer and routine
I find myself feeling, jealous, angry and all alone
A reprieve - I get to join in and live a little
Life beyond my house does exist!!
Little things become BIG things
Jealousy rears its ugly head, but not by me
Nothing I do assuages the monster
Confusion leads to sadness, stress and finally anger
I stop biting my tongue - I scream back
I don't care I'm being mean anymore...do I care at all
Nights out inevitably end in the constant battle
Usually over something I've said or done - I can't win
Trapped, seeing no way out
Is this what I want my girls to live??
Why did I allow myself to be caged like this
What am I going to do about it
Closely examining my life
I face the discrepancies that don't add up
Pay attention to the air of entitlement that surrounds the house
The implied belief that I have contributed nothing
Changes, lots of changes
A job offer I love, a decision to no longer live this way
Threats, lies, bullying and lawyers, entitlement shifts to "poor me"
Discovering who your true friends are, and some new ones too
As I fill box after box, I try to decide
Have I just wasted 12 years of my life?? Beautiful children not included
For as young as I am, i feel old and worn out
I conclude that no, I have wasted my time...I've been learning
If anything the invincibility of youth
Still lingers, in the strength I've rediscovered
And even when I'm shaking in my boots
I'm the only one who really needs to know
Stubbornly, my heart refuses to let go
Of the hope that I have yet to find true love
My head, just a stubborn says, that fairy tales are for children
But my gut, remain optimistic with a "You never can tell"
